What does aging well mean, and whose definition of it matters?
A lot of people think that living to a long age is synonymous with aging well, but I’d argue that pure duration of time (although tends to be the goal for family members and caregivers) isn’t always the goal of the senior. I’ve found that aging well tends to mean preserving quality of life and being able to do things that are truly desired such as spending time with family/friends, enjoying hobbies, driving to the pharmacy, etc.
To one, aging well might mean being able to do car transfers as long as possible to go see grandkids at sporting events or go to restaurants and maintain a busy social life while to another it might just mean reaching a certain number.
Some of the biggest clashes we see with this population are in regard to aging standards between family and the seniors themselves where those goals aren’t necessarily aligned. I’d like to caution family members and caregivers to remind themselves that it is truly only what the senior wants that should be our concern, as the concept of aging well is an incredibly personalized and individual experience and will be different for each one of us.
Generally, when we think of aging well, we think of living the highest quality of life while maintaining our dignity and independence. I believe the key to aging well is being proactive with health and with the environment. This means things as simple as keeping up with doctors' appointments, medication reviews, and engagement in proactive rehabilitation to avoid things such as falls, cognitive decline, and dependence on activities of daily living.
I encourage seniors to be reflective on their lives as they age and have active conversations about what they’re willing to compromise on and what they’re willing to fight for - For example, if a woman’s goal is to never have to leave her home, then there needs to be a conversation between her and her family members regarding what modifications can be made to proactively support mobility and independence in that home. It is also recommended to discuss finances concerning what they’re able to do in regards to caregiver services down the line. We encourage seniors to take an active place in their aging process and advocate for what they truly want out of their experience so that family members and caregivers can align themselves with that goal. This ultimately reduces tension and potential discord in important relationships as time passes during a time that should be cherished and shared.
Worthwhile and clear conversations between families about what it means for the senior to age well and what actually matters to them are so important and often overlooked. It allows harmony in the senior season and assists family units in enjoying every moment together having peace and knowing that their loved one had what they wanted and aged the way they wanted to. This does mean you’re going to be having challenging conversations in being brave enough to advocate for what you want out of life.
I want to remind the senior that it is indeed your life and it is OK if your loved ones don’t agree with your definition of aging well and that is something that they have to accept. I can’t stress enough the importance of communicating your goals in regards to aging as there are variables with age that are out of our control, such as the possibility of dementia, stroke, etc. where we might not have the ability to clearly express our wishes- I’d encourage seniors to have a clear conversation and potentially have goals written out and protected to assure that your definition is honored when you may not be able to protect it.
At the end of the day, the true definition of aging well belongs to the senior when is it a completely customized experience that is to be respected.
Written by Dina Holland, MS-CCC SLP